Discovering Columbus, America, Life, and God!

2011-04-05T17:11:00.000-07:00

As humans, we tend to have a habit of holding on to things: old possessions; souvenirs (I know that I even hold on to souvenirs from trips that I didn’t even go on, but from trips that friends might have went on and brought something back to me). Meanwhile, we also tend to struggle in letting go of grudges. We hold on to an ideal of who we’d like to be. To lies. To guilt.

I look back on moments when I wasn’t as much a person of integrity as I should have been, or would have liked to have been, back to college or even further back, to cases where I might have mistreated or interacted inappropriately with someone, or to when as a child I might have lied or told a half-truth to my parents. What I have realized is that untruths lead to more untruths, and lax morals lead to guilt…Guilt that is often hard to let go of. Yes, I know that Christ has paid for these sins and that I have forgiveness from God. Still, things will linger in my mind, 20-some years after the fact, for which I might say “Oh, I really wish I wouldn’t have done that.”

I think remembering how these thoughts linger over time is one means by which I will be helped to hold on to truth and integrity in my life, and especially in my marriage and in my seminary work. Moreover, as I realize that the ultimate goal isn’t the degree, nor acceptance by others, nor acknowledgement of work well done, but instead that it is a closer relationship with Christ, and to authenticity in Christ, it will help me to hold on to integrity and truth. If I hold on to what I am not, I am going to struggle toward this authenticity with Christ. Let's not fool ourselves. God already knows who we are. We can’t hide from Him. Still, He made us, and He accepts us, and He loves us (and adores us) for who we are (for who He made us to be).

Meanwhile, I realize that as I continue to follow God’s will and as I move further into ministry, I might become a greater target of Satan. Satan utilizes subtlety. Satin will try to lie to me and deceive me, saying that my sin isn't that bad. I need to continually be very prayerful and seek God’s protection. I need to be open to authenticity with Christ, moving closer to God and feeling secure with who I truly am. Finally, it is important that we have sources of accountability and support set up in our lives, individuals with whom we can be completely open and from whom we can receive encouragement. This helps us to keep us on track in our lives, and living lives of truth and integrity.

Moving Forward in Reassuring Silence

2011-03-31T14:49:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder about your calling from God? After getting married and moving to Ohio, as I prayed about transferring to Ashland Theological Seminary and continuing my seminary studies, God reiterated to me what He had previously, to just trust Him. God has made it clear to me that He wants me to be in seminary. However, He has been quiet on how exactly He plans to use me through the seminary education. When I ask, He either keeps quiet or He reiterates, "Just trust Him". As I continue to be faithful to Him through pursuing Him and through pursuing my seminary education more and more completely, I trust that His will for my ministry will become clearer.

Meanwhile, I do feel that each and every day God is working on me, preparing me, and it is as if I am on a raft floating up and down, side to side, and to and fro, sometimes close and sometimes distant, over time slowly (and I mean very slowly) moving toward where God wants me, on shore with solid land (or should I say "Rock") underneath my feet. I don't believe I am in seminary just for the purpose of completing seminary, nor even solely for the purpose of gaining knowledge. However, God wants to utilize this time in seminary to, among other things, help me prepare, and even currently live out, His call for me (in other words, my ministry...or ministries). He wants to shape and mold me. As we grow in God’s character, or take on and develop Christ-like virtues, it will help us to be more effective in our ministry to others, and toward demonstrating to others who God is, ultimately I hope to glorify God and to bring others to Him.

God has created each of us for a purpose, and by knowing our core identity, or who we are in Christ, will help us carry out that purpose. Meanwhile, God has an intended, and somewhat unique, calling for each of us; He is calling us to a particular ministry (or even ministries over our lifetime). Although that calling is not always clear to us, it is clear to our Lord. I see my time at seminary as helping me to better visualize and understand God's will for me.

Fixing a Bent Line

2011-03-31T14:36:00.000-07:00

As I delve into seminary, I think that my priorities are lining up so that God is first in my life (admittedly, it is not always a straight line, but it is getting there). Moreover, God has definitely helped out along the way, such as rearranging things in my life so that He is first (and so that there is time for seminary). Living in DC, I was working full-time (and we all know that a full-time job is rarely just “full-time”), and attending seminary on a “part-time” basis; I was taking one class at a time and on a 16-year track toward my MDiv. Recently married and having relocated to Ohio, there was a lot of change (and let me say “good change”) and uncertainty going on in my life last year. I moved to Columbus without having secured a job. Thankfully, God has provided, and the opportunity that was laid in front of me (a part-time job at OSU) provides the space in my life to devote to seminary, and even more so to pursuing God’s will for me.

As I said, the line is not always straight; I am pretty good at finding time in the morning for Bible study and for prayer, and I actually try to be in conversation with God often throughout each day. But often, I let life and unnecessary distractions start creeping in. Furthermore, I’ve always been a night person, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it makes it hard to get going in the morning. I need to be better about creating the space, both the physical space and the space in my daily routine, to be more fully in touch with God. My pastor talks about how often in the Bible, when it mentions Jesus’ prayer life, the scripture shows Jesus getting away, getting away from the crowd, getting away from any distractions, to make it easier to just be Him and His Father. I need to be better about this, and to find and create that space.

Making the Time for God to be God in Our Lives

2011-03-31T14:31:00.000-07:00

There has been a lot of change in my life over the past year, including relocating to the outskirts of Columbus, Ohio, getting married and starting a new job. Meanwhile, I just started up at Ashland Theological Seminary on Monday (having transferred from a different seminary in DC). Thankfully, my job at Ohio State University is part-time and makes seminary manageable. Still, I do believe that the effort to balance seminary, work and a new life in marriage forces one to approach life in a more planned out manner.

I’ve often thought that I have a good idea of time management. I think most people think of me, or at least the “work me” as being diligent and productive. Yet, if I am honest with myself, I need to admit that I am not extremely skilled in time management, and this applies both to my work and to my personal life. For instance, sometimes I try to cram too much into life; I like to be active. However, in doing so, am I really allowing room for God to accomplish His will for me in my life?

Although time is limited, we do have enough time to accomplish God’s will for us. The problem is that we waste our time when we do not operate in God’s will. This is something that I need to prayerfully consider every time I find myself hesitant to surrendering to God’s will.