As humans, we tend to have a habit of holding on to things: old possessions; souvenirs (I know that I even hold on to souvenirs from trips that I didn’t even go on, but from trips that friends might have went on and brought something back to me). Meanwhile, we also tend to struggle in letting go of grudges. We hold on to an ideal of who we’d like to be. To lies. To guilt.

I look back on moments when I wasn’t as much a person of integrity as I should have been, or would have liked to have been, back to college or even further back, to cases where I might have mistreated or interacted inappropriately with someone, or to when as a child I might have lied or told a half-truth to my parents. What I have realized is that untruths lead to more untruths, and lax morals lead to guilt…Guilt that is often hard to let go of. Yes, I know that Christ has paid for these sins and that I have forgiveness from God. Still, things will linger in my mind, 20-some years after the fact, for which I might say “Oh, I really wish I wouldn’t have done that.”

I think remembering how these thoughts linger over time is one means by which I will be helped to hold on to truth and integrity in my life, and especially in my marriage and in my seminary work. Moreover, as I realize that the ultimate goal isn’t the degree, nor acceptance by others, nor acknowledgement of work well done, but instead that it is a closer relationship with Christ, and to authenticity in Christ, it will help me to hold on to integrity and truth. If I hold on to what I am not, I am going to struggle toward this authenticity with Christ. Let's not fool ourselves. God already knows who we are. We can’t hide from Him. Still, He made us, and He accepts us, and He loves us (and adores us) for who we are (for who He made us to be).

Meanwhile, I realize that as I continue to follow God’s will and as I move further into ministry, I might become a greater target of Satan. Satan utilizes subtlety. Satin will try to lie to me and deceive me, saying that my sin isn't that bad. I need to continually be very prayerful and seek God’s protection. I need to be open to authenticity with Christ, moving closer to God and feeling secure with who I truly am. Finally, it is important that we have sources of accountability and support set up in our lives, individuals with whom we can be completely open and from whom we can receive encouragement. This helps us to keep us on track in our lives, and living lives of truth and integrity.